"Confucius say: lovers in triangle, not on square."

- A fortune cookie I found when I was sixteen that I try to live by every day.

 

when I was a kid and we got to the portion of our curriculum about states, I would always get irrationally angry about living in maryland

 

because when you live in Maryland, you gotta draw Maryland

 

and, jesus, Maryland is a stupidly-shaped state

I mean, look at it:

try drawing that when you’re eight years old

try drawing that NOW

it’s probably the most stupidly-shaped state in the union

i mean, Massachusetts is stupid too, but it kinda makes sense since it’s got all the islands and shit

plus that little jetty makes it look like it’s angrily shaking its fist at England, which is appropriate

it’s like it’s still going PUT YA TEA UP YA ASSES, YA PUSSIES

but maryland, COME ON

like we couldn’t give this bit to Delaware?

it literally looks like whoever shaped the states didn’t know how to put together puzzle pieces

it makes maryland seem like an asshole

like, oh hey delaware, we know this part would fit you perfectly and then you’d have a some of the bay and none of the rest of the state gives a shit about eastern maryland but haha JAY KAY HAVE FUN WITH YOUR OUTLET MALLS

like, jesus, why not make Delaware a little less pointless

i mean, god, LOOK AT IT

SOMETIMES DELAWARE JUST MAKES ME SAD

and then there’s this bit:

like WHAT WHY

that little skinny bit? is LITERALLY 1.8 MILES WIDE

YOU COULD HAVE A POGO-STICK RACE ACROSS IT AND NOT GET WINDED

DID PENNSYLVANIA PAY US SO THEY WOULDN’T HAVE TO TOUCH WEST VIRGINIA?!

WE GET IT, GUYS. NO ONE LIKES WEST VIRGINIA

THERE’S A REASON WHY THEY COULD FILM DELIVERANCE THERE AND NO ONE WOULD BE MAD

but guess what, bitches, YOUR PLAN DIDN’T FUCKING WORK BECAUSE WEST VIRGINIA IS SHAPED STUPID TOO

that little extended bit is basically a middle finger to Pennsylvania

that’s west virginia’s way of saying SUCK IT, AMISH

(on a side note, don’t go into that middle finger)

(seriously)

and then there’s that creepy little arm, tickling maryland’s armpit

sometimes i feel like west virginia is the haggis of states

it’s just filled with all the bits none of the other states wanted

ANYWAY, FUCK YOU MARYLAND

like oH HAY, DRAWING ME WON’T BE HARD, LOOK AT ALL THESE STRAIGHT LINES

so smoooooth

so eeeeeeeeeeeeeasy

then BAM

FUCK YOU, TINY CHILD HANDS

TRY TO DRAW THIS:

HAPPY CARPAL TUNNEL, ASSHOLES

….okay, I’m done

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